Real Black People In Horror Movie Scenarios

Me and my husband got caught up watcin' this crazy movie on SCI-FI yesterday called Lake Dead, and though we're not die hard scary movie folks, every once in a while, we'll find ourselves watchin' one of them joints, only to talk head thru the entire film so I decided to share wit' y'all a few reasons why WE feel you never see too many scary movies with US as the main charectors: first and foremost, we not fena follow the typical rules set up for a horror movie.

REAL BLACK PEOPLE:

1. NEVER FALL DOWN DURING CHASE: That's a no brainer. As a people, we been thru too much in our history to NOT know how to effectively "book". Just ask the local police department where you're from. We used to run as slaves and we dominate the track field so there's no way we're fena get caught.
2. DON'T TROT OR END UP WITH A LIMP, WE HAUL ASS: Again, we have the fundamentals of running down pat. How many times have you seen a scary movie and within the first 2 minutes of chase, somebody's tripped over NOTHING, endin' up on the ground, only to get up with a limp. SMH. If a killer is after us with the intentions of doin' us IN, we're outta the city within 5 minutes, easy.
3. CURSE OUT THE KILLER: I don't know what it is about our attitude, but y'all know damn well when in the face of danger, we put on our best defense mechanism. The realest i've ever seen this done was when Busta Rhymes charecter in H20 cursed out the real Michael Myers when he thought he was his friend trying to portray Mike.
4. NEVER WHIMPER WHILE HIDING: How many times have you found yourself yellin' at someone in a movie to "shut up" while they're whimpering and breathing hard while tryin' to hide. We don't have time for that. We DO know how to hide and be still. Our eyes talk for us.
5. NEVER "CHECK OUT THAT SOUND" OR FIX ANYTHING ALONE.....OR PERIOD: Always a formula for disaster. Well damn that. If we inside some place, and there's some strange noise, ANY noise goin' on in another room, or outside, forget about it. If the lights go out, they jus' gon' go out and BE out, ain't gon' be no goin' to check the "circuit breaker" and all that "y'all stay here, i'll be right back.....we understand that we'll be LYING.
6. NEVER SPLIT UP: Are you kidding me? If we came up here as 4 people, we makin' moves as 4 people. Everytime a group splits up, they end up dead one by one. Strength in numbers.....unless we're hiding and you got a loud whisperer or somebody flatulent in your group.
7. NEVER VACATION IN LOW POPULATED AREAS: This means camp sites and small towns. I've seen enough Jason movies to know crazy people don't like to live around too many people so if you tryin' to come thru they're area, you're askin' to be tow up.
8. NEVER TURN OUR BACKS ON THE KILLER: IF we're ever faced in THAT type of position, which is usually a slim one, our fear and determination only serves as an adrenaline booster and 2, 3 or 4 blows ain't gon' cut it. Thinkin' you can turn away and exhale like that was "game". We finish him to ensure we at LEAST have enough time to get down the street good.
9. NEVER SNOOP AROUND AREAS WE'VE NEVER BEEN TO: If you lookin' for trouble, you'll find it. This not only causes you to seperate farther and farther from your group but you'll wind up in a area where can't nobody hear you call out for help should somethin' happen. We understand this too.
10. WEAR TENNIS SHOES AND/OR JEANS; SWEATS: Damn the flip flops, shorts and tank tops. You gotta be comfortable and ready to brawl or haul ass at any given moment. If glass is broken, you're good, 'cause got on the proper gear. Beach clothing in the face of danger? Please.
11. DON'T SEARCH FOR MISSING PEOPLE: Nigga, if you wonder off, forget you. We tryin' to get outta dodge, we'll send somebody back to look for you after day break.
12. IF MORE THAN ONE PERSON ENDS UP MISSING, WE'RE OUTTY: This is why you shouldn't split up in the first place - 'cause guaranteed, if you don't come back, we're gonna assume SOMETHIN' happened and we're gonna leave, to ensure the safety of the rest of the group.
13. WE DON'T REST WHILE BEING CHASED: No time for that! This goes back to us bein' able to vacate the premises and the entire town within 5 minutes 'cause we understand delays will get you killed.
14. WE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS: ie= "Hello? Is anyone there?" THAAAT's a laugh! Whoever i'm in the room with should be EVERYONE I came with, so any "would be" addition is obviously somebody who ain't down. Askin' ANY questions, usually don't result in answers so why waste the time? It's time to roll out.
15. WE DON'T BREAK OFF INTO COUPLES TO GO "SMASH": We understand this action preoccupies us and makes us vulnerable to the "split up" and ultimately being LEFT behind factor, after we consider y'all "missing". Too many scary movies and studies have shown that doin' this in "low populated areas" only ends up with that couple being dead.

Now they've TRIED to show a couple of "scary HOOD movies", and y'all know damn well they left you upset 'cause the scenarios weren't honest. In a honest scary scenario, with REAL black people, that sh** would be over with in all of 5 minutes.