Gran-maw, That's Yo Fault

Yeah I wrote "gran-maw"

My grandmomma got caught on the phone with my dad ( her son ) the other day. She was tryin' to ask him how he was doin' since she don't see him that much, since they live in different states. While that might sound feasible and all, I overheard the phone call and nigga, I was rollin'.

Grandmomma know my daddy can and should only be taken in spurts.

For years, it's been a running joke in my family that the last thing you wanna do is ask him simple questions like "how he's doing". That'll start a verbal brush fire.

Nigga, you gon' be stuck in a convo for like 2 hours.

I passed by him on the phone and one minute he was talkin' about somebody in the family and when I passed by him again, I heard the man say "Saul Kasol" and to my amusement

I knew that gran-maw had made the fatal mistake of asking him something about basketball.

Now why in the hell she wanna go and do that?

This was days after the Lakers had won the NBA championship so my dad's "inner vocal lawnmower" was juiced up and ready to run.

He comes from the south and even though he ain't lived there in some 30 odd years, he still has a major twang and can butcher the English language like nobody's business.

On top of that, in his mind, you're a visiting Alien and don't know the basics about life.

*typical convo w/ my dad while watching basketball*

"Now see, what you're watchin is the game of basketball, and what that is, is a game where there's 2 teams and they have 1 ball. They try to put the ball in basket"

*rolls eyes*

Never mind that you've probably been watching basketball for years.

So you could just imagine what was goin' thru gran-maw's mind on the other end.

My dad has prided himself on saying NBA players' names wrong and even though we've corrected him, he's comfortable and refuses to change this.

Kobe Bryant is Kobe Brian. Pao Gasol is Saul Kasol. Lamar Odom is Lamaa' Odinn. Forget about Sasha Vujacic.

Allen Iverson is Ivan Ivason and Sam Cassell is CalSell.

The list goes on.
2 Hours later, they still on the phone. Him talkin' and her stuck sayin' a series of "unh hunh's and "rights" or doin' one of these numbers right here:

If she was smart she woulda been put the phone down and just left that mug on speaker.

You know them kinda people who keep talkin' so long and they refuse to pause so you can say your exiting clue of "alright then"? That's pops'. LOL!

The older he gets, the worse IT gets.

Gotta love 'em though.

Just don't ask that nigga no questions if you see 'em.