Filmed, Uploaded....Now Raked Over The Coals

Checkin' the inbox, as soon as I saw Eve's name, I knew I was about to lose my soul over some bull that I was about to view and sure enough....

You know what? As soon as the baby was placed down on that......FILTHY couch so that yo' girl could really, really start cookin', I immediately started to take mental notes. This was supposed to be about the biggest of the jabronies in the background givin' that "un-loved" love seat a run for it's money, tryin' to get her thirsty behind up in an attempt to "join in the festivities"......but the entire cast in this production each add to the embarrassment that I have in my heart right now. Instead of stompin' around that unkempt cubby hole, like they crushin' grapes, somebody coulda spent a little time on the baby's head. Crap looked like a chopped up paint sponge. How on earth he ( or she ) stayed sleep thru all that racket, is anyone's guess. The soda bottle on the ground next to the couch gets a side eye too, as do the heep of dingy laundry posted up in the other corner on the chair. Now as for the biggest of the big girls....*sigh*......2 skips and she was done. She knew those bags of weights she calls legs weren't about to budge or bend, let alone lift all that meat ( sans potatoes ) up off the ground for NO amount of time. The room, I'm sure was already smellin' like baked beans and foot funk, then her big ass gon' have the nerve to get up and try to shake a tail feather too. Get your family. It's stuff like this that makes US lose points.

Would You Wear These?

Hell, I wouldn't. I've seen some dumb shoes in my time but this not only defeats the purpose of comfort but the entire idea is asinine. Killin' part about it is, these half-shoes would probably run you a cool couple' hundred. Ridiculous. Aye, and the foot model coulda been BETTER! Toes all beat up. Toes lookin' like they ready to grab a hold of a beer mug with them knuckles.

That Machine Should Be On

So it could boil or singe his narrow hip, give him a reason to REGRET bein' a part of this photo shoot. Deer in the headlights nigga. If my son EVER......*frowns and shakes head*

What's the motivation behind this??? Somebody OBVIOUSLY embarrassed somewhat, seeings how they behind the house doin' this crap, and not in the front yard. Maybe he wasn't quite ready before the flash went off.....and maybe somebody woke him up real early in the mornin' and asked him to take a look at the meter, and that's why he ain't got no clothes on. Yeah....he musta jus'......"tumbled" on that machine by mistake and a silly relative snapped a picture, 'cause there is no way in hell a self respecting black man would deliberately pose like this. And oh my God, he's got a wedding band on *throws laptop*.......i'm over it.

Seod to Sid'.

I Have A Problem With This...

And I KNOW I'm not the only one! How come the people who suffer from this whole "spit in the corner of the mouth" thing ain't got no REAL homies in their squad that ain't scared to let 'em know that they got this sh*t there and that it's nasty!? A man should NEVER have a pinky nail size amount of what looks like mayonnaise in the corners of his God damn mouth! A woman neither! If you're a female with this trash on your mouth then you need to be back handed and shook to high heaven! I swear, this is a kiss disqualification! It's right up there with clammy hands and big ass razor bump folds on the back of a head.

Like so.....



Hmph. It ain't enough "love" in the world......
9 times outta 10, with spit in the corners of your mouth, yo' sh*t ain't Listerine fresh. Sh*t probably smellin' like potato and chedder cheese soup that's been sittin' out for the last 2 days. Mouth smellin' like a sink full'a dirty dishes. *shakes head*......got the nerve to be tryin' to be all up in somebody face, like you don't feel that moist crap posted, then you wonder why the number that girl gave you ended up bein' the digits for Pizza Hut. Quit bein' scared and look in the mirror every once and a while 'cause if I see you on the street, I ain't gon' lie to you.

6 Minutes and 16 Seconds Of Our Lives...

That we ain't gon' be able to get back

Don't know what this "service" is all about.....don't care. On the real though? Sidney, you seriously need to put yo' uncle up on game that all them extra theatrics ain't the business. Now the funeral parlor have to wash the coffin in-lay to get the Good Fred's Oil from his perm out the fibers.

It's Been A Long Time.....I Shouldn'tna Left You

Without a crazy post to laugh too...

What up homies! Saney Sane's back on the block......y'all can come out and play again.

I know it's been a while, but my schedule had a heavy boot on my neck - ya understand, i'm sure you do, but I kinda missed y'all jus' as much as you probably missed me! I know y'all hungry and thirsty so.....let's get right into it.

Area's Too Well Lit

What made him think......that he wasn't gon' get caught, sleep up under there like that? Not that I blame him for bein' brave enough to take it there 'cause I think we've all day-dreamed about layin' down under our desks at work but come on now.....at least make sure you got the desk closest to the wall way in the back of the office. This joker looks like he's posted in a well lit area of the place. He's doin' it completely wrong. You need total seclusion or semi darkness to pull this off....not to mention an extra rolling chair to help camouflage what the hell's goin' on, make 'em think you not AT your desk. This clown. SMH.

He shoulda came to me first.

Lazy Asses

If I'm spendin' more than $3 dollars on a burger then damnit, why my sandwich can't look like this!?

I am ALL for a charbroiled burger but why the Burger King's in the hood always gotta smash yo' sh** together like it ain't gon' matter that it don't look nothin' like it does in the picture on display?

I ain't gon' even lie to you, I am notorious for travelin' to a fast food chain in a better tax bracket before I throw my money and taste buds away on the same eatery, conveniently sittin' there in the hood. You go to a "hood" fast food joint, you get the "hood" attitude and the "hood" lookin' sandwich, along with a soda that ain't even mixed right. Hell, money's hard to come by these days, so why throw it away on some sadly made crap that you jus' gon' chuck into the trash after bitin' that sh*t 2 times? I'll pass, homie. The way my burger is made and tastes MATTERS and it determines whether i'll be back or not. Jus' sayin'.

When 2 Beauties Make A......."Strange"

Here's a topic for discussion i'd like to run by y'all.....

I messed around and sent my buddy Mike Zen some pictures of some "less than stellar" lookin' chicks that could easily be classified as "Booga Wolves" and he let me know in so many words......to keep those things outta his message box 'cause they failed to make him all warm and fuzzy and what not. I guestioned his disdain for the wolves and this lead to a conversation where we basically talked about the need to be cautious when choosin' who you fena mix genes with. Seems like whenever you see somebody that's "hard on the eyes", you jus' assume that that person came from 2 people who were equally jus' as hard on the eyes, but it's a trip how sometimes that's not always the case.

True story....

I grew up familiar with this couple that lived around the way, right? Beautiful! I mean, they were gorgeous! He had all the women on his jock and she had all the brothas on hers. Kinda put you in the mind of actors Phillip Michael Thomas and Jane Kennedy from back in the day....

You'd think anything that came outta their reproduction woulda been top knotch....100%......grade A......right?

Naaaaahhhhhh, homie.

They ended up havin' a daughter. You know what she looked like?......

That's on my mama. I'm sorry in advance but she was slower than a snail in a snow storm. I tried to be nice to her one day and asked her what her favorite color was and she told me "nine". Maybe she didn't hear me, I don't know. *looks away*. Somebody else tried to see if she knew her own name by actually giving her a hint to what it was....you know, to make it easy for her. "Tawny, what's your name?".......she answered "Deeeeee"

Now, I said all that to say this.....there has to be reason 2 beauties rarely produce another beauty. I guess all the "fine-ness" goes into overload and starts warpin' sh**, but whatever the case, I think it sucks. If you know somebody that's an exception to this rule, drop a line, let's rap about it.

Way Too Many Treats

You know that damn stroller is screamin' for relief. I'm sorry, but she is MASSIVE. Way too big to be stuffed in a contraption with wheels on it. I know that thing had a weight limit on the box it came in but lookin' at her robust guardian in the blue, puttin' her hoof down and demanding "MC Chubbz" actually walk to the next park attraction, jus' wasn't gonna happen. If yo' ass can't even sit up right in the seat, then you're too damn big to be in that b*tch.
But why trip when she can jus' upgrade to a bigger seat later on down the road....

SMH.

First Thing That Comes To Mind....

****

Fess up. You thought about their asses too when you saw that picture. LOL.

Do Somethin' With That!

Your mushy, pushy, water stomach is NOT the business! When did this become part of the game!? I thought this was why they invented control top underwear, to DISGUISE this baggy junk, now you got these terrible, terrible women embracin' that sh** like it's the hottest commodity on the block! I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I don't wanna nothin'! That chick at the bottom might as well just retire her swim top 'cause that thing is stretched to capacity and has BEEN failed it's job of supportin' those flap jacks. Disgusting. I know some of y'all bruthas got a thing for what I call "Big-Big's" but come on, y'all need to quit lyin' when it comes down to THIS issue right here. You know that crap be full of bread crumbs.

( Thanks Eve & Erika *by way of Hot Ghetto Mess )

Now You Know....

There is no way in hell I could look at this........mess........and not say nothin'.

You know what this looks like? It looks like she had one of these:

but then her naps ferociously grew back but not long enough and she slapped the darkest, cheapest, worst holding gel on sale over at the Korean beauty supply, figurin' it's gon' lay her sh** down and camouflage her mange ridden buck shots. Then she slapped that lack lustered, obviously FALSE ponytail - that's been buried in the back of her bathroom drawer for the last 8 months - on to her head.

Quietly intrigued and wanna see more? Like.....perhaps her nappy underarms, orangutan boobages or the open red sores on her knees? Head on over to Freddyo's house.

Wrong Choice In Everything

Wrong choice in the tops being worn.

Wrong choice in hair color - tryin' to match that ratty crap WITH the tops being worn.

Don't you hate when females try to do the "peniteniary pose"? They been studyin' way too many prison polaroids of inmates they know to get that stance down pat.

Goldie on the right know her size A cups hurt like all to be damned, pushed up and smashed in that uncomfortable shirt. I'm sitting here shakin' my head as I type this 'cause they seriously cancel each other out. Wild Berry there on the left and the ill-contained torpedoes on her chest ain't doin' nothin' but highlighting Goldies lack-there-of. Same thing with the stomach but vice versa. What kinda friend can you be when tellin' yo' girl her ensemble ain't right when you too busy lookin' like warmed over crap yourself? Stop it.
( Thanks Erika! )

What Would YOU Have Done?

Okay, first of all, I don't understand why she's jus' posted right there. If that was me, I don't care if I was in they "hood" or not, it wouldn't GET that far to where the entire crew fena come outta the woodworks and bumrush my situation like this. What the hell did she have in that suit case besides clothes that them mf'ers could possibly WANT? To the point where things needed to get violent ( check the driver's side mirror ). Her battery better be dead or her started better be broke 'cause there's no reason in life other than that, that coulda prevented me from smashin' the hell up outta there, rollin' over as many of them niggas as I could.

Mentality Of A Fool

Texas, y'all proud of this???

She knew the back of her damn body looked like a messy earthquake, why on EARTH would she go and get a tattoo in that area!? An area that obviously has to be shown if she wants somebody to see that thing! Dark spots, soot and stretch marks above and around yo' booty hole are a no-no when you tryin' to show-case somethin'! Come on, people, y'all gotta get it together! The shorts. The shorts are WAY too tight and I don't see no size 20 drawls which leads me to believe she's wearin' a God forsaken thong knowin' good and damn well her crap is too wide and unpresentable for that. *looks away and shakes head*

And then this one right here....

Standin' up against that "project" wall. Another lost cause. She could give a damn about a decent job with writing that far up her stupid chest. Why would you do this? I love my people but damn, y'all, I can't keep takin' up for this kinda stuff. Is there nobody around that says "don't get that right there"? Garbage. A real homie or family member would tell yo' ass the truth instead of lyin' sayin' you in the game with that 'cause you not in the game, you look like a fool.

( Shout out to Thug Passion and Erika for the pics )

Mike @ 40

Trip at what Ebony mag' projected Michael Jackson would look like by the time he turned 40 years old. This was based on what he looked like back in '85 so all the changes his face went thru after then hadn't happened yet. I thought it was kinda cool. A huge difference from the way he really did look like in 2000

LOL!

I'm sorry, but I had a hearty laugh when I saw this picture for the first time. I don't know if she was pissed off 'cause she was (still) hungry after eatin' that whole pizza by herself or what, but for the artist to go on 'head with the picture, either he ain't got time to ask her more than one time to "hold that smile" or her mom is tryin' to teach her a lesson for trippin' in public with a attitude.

Jockin' The Product Kinda Hard, Ain't Cha?

Okay, I've seen some ridiculous stuff in my time but allow me to use a capitalized DAMN. Not only is this ugly but I can confidently bet yo' momma that a rep for the real Louis Vuitton ain't fena roll down to this "HOOD", christen this sh** and cut somebody a check for the advertisement. I'ma tell you right now, the surroundings are a dead give away that ain't nobody foreal-foreal ballin' up in that cubby hole. The sh**'s next to a brick wall, the kinda wall you can only find deep in the heart of LA somewhere when yo' spot is way too damn close to the LA river or a freeway. Another thing....ain't nobody with real loot fena have a gate that looks like that, even durin' renovations. The shrubbery in the front is thirsty as hell and the lack of yard and trees lets me further know this is 100% somewhere on a ghetto block where shootin' dice is a past time, easy as Sunday mornin'. I ain't forgot about the bars on the window. Dead give-away. The house may be wearin' that "suit" but ain't no real cheese comin' outta there.

( PS, Erika, tell yo' cousins they need to repaint that place, LOL )

What's The Difference?

I know I'm late with this one but the homie Ty put me up on this recent news bit a few days ago about another 7 year old boy who decided to take the family car for a spin. It's a trip how this seemed to make the news all over the place and the anchors runnin' the story chuckle it off like it was jus' mischievous antics......but when Latarian did the same damn thing last year he got the "criminal gaze" and it wasn't so cute then. Granted, if I recall, Latarian's "thug ride" tow up a few things but at the end of the day, a stolen car is a stolen car, right? So what's the difference?

( Shout out to Ty and the Wifey :) )